The QUAD-fecta (is that a word?) of LOVE...

I read something interesting recently... Basically it said that there are four components to attraction or "chemistry", and without all four of those components intact, a relationship is not sustainable for a long period of time. The four are physical attraction, emotional attraction, mental attraction and spiritual attraction. The premise is that physical attraction is the initial thing that gets your juices flowing and attracts you to a person. But it also fades very quickly, sometimes within a few months or even weeks. The second part is emotional attraction, which means you become emotionally attached to other person - you care about them, their life and what happens to them... The third is mental attraction, which is to say that the two of you can have a good conversation and find each other mentally stimulating. The fourth is spiritual attraction - your "moral compass" so to speak, or your values and what is important to you - do yours match up well, or attract, to those of your partner? So the thought is that we by nature are all trying to locate a true soul mate, and in order to obtain that bliss, you need all four of these elements in your relationship. And also, that initial physical "zing" that eventually fades can be sustained if you have the other three. Don't you all think this is really interesting? I guess it's kind of common sense, but the way it was written really struck a chord with me. Only time can tell whether you have all four with someone which is why relationships break up at different stages - with some people you have more elements with that you do others, so those relationships can be sustained for a longer period of time.

Of course, not everyone is privy to such wisdom, and you have to deal with people and their weird phobias and feelings. Sometimes individuals can screw up something really good because of their own fears or apprehensions. But I guess that's where the theory that everything happens for a reason comes into play.

I guess I'm in the exploration stage as to whether I have all four right now - only time will tell. I think there is potential to say maybe I do, and for now that makes me happy!

So - do you have all four in your life and partner? If yes, we're all jealous. Give us your secrets.. If no, why not? You deserve it! We deserve it! Go get it and be happy!

PS to all my married friends, I truly hope you have all four with your spouse and that you enjoy my "single-girl" slant to my posts. Because this is my life, and it's what I like to write about so you'll all have to deal with it, even if it doesn't necessarily apply to you. (I mean that in the nicest possible way, of course.)

Even eternal optimists can have a bad day....

I guess it's been awhile since I updated this deal... Once again I've been slacking! In my defense I have been busy. But fear not, good friends. I'm back. AND I'm updating from vacation, so surely I get extra points for that. We (we = my entire family) are in North Carolina for a week at the beach. AND I have my kiddos for the week!

So what's up with my blog title, you ask? RIGHT! I'm on vacation, with my family, and have my kids - what in the world could be wrong with me? But still today I was grouchy, like Oscar. And not for really any good reason - just in a blah mood. Matt asked me today if I was grumpy because I miss Mike, being on vacation and all without him... Interesting question, and the answer is ABSOLUTELY NOT. In fact, it's totally the opposite. Being on vacation for the first time without him is making me realize just how much he dragged (drug?) me, and everyone else down. It's so nice to be without his constant negativity all the time! Aren't I so lucky? Seriously, not everyone in a marriage like mine has the chance to get out of it totally guilt-free and to build the life I should have had in the first place! AND I get my kids most of the time, AND I have amazing new people in my life, AND I am really, really, really, really happy. Even if I'm a grouch on the surface today, underneath, I'm a happy camper.

I will tell you all though that old habits die hard, it's not easy to shake them off. Thank goodness for Betsy! (I think you all know who she is, if not, feel free to ask.) Anyway, occasionally I find myself expecting the same kind of reactions from people that I would have gotten from Mike. Not unreasonable, considering how many years I was with him. But also not fair, to me or to anyone else. The good news is that they are occasional moments - mainly I'm approaching life and peole with the balance, independence and confidence of old me. And it's not even hard work.

I realized this weekend that I was single for a long time before Mike and I split up. Like my day-to-day life has not actually changed that much without him in it. Now, don't get me wrong. My happiness and brain health and well-being are COMPLETELY different. I'm talking about the get up, go to work, come home, watch telly etc. routine. And really what I mean, is that although I was married for all those years, we were not truly together. He didn't like me, and I didn't like him. So we co-existed. Let me tell you one of the stories that helped to me realize this... I got my performance review at work this week. So Matt asks me about it, and I tell him. Then he proceeds to ask me more about it, and give me all kinds of great advice. He's actually interested, which is so nice. I would never have had that conversation with Mike. He didn't care, and I didn't care to tell him. Sad, right? But actually it's HAPPY because that is NOT my future anymore! How lucky am I to have people in my life now who like me for me, and who I am truly interested in their lives as they are in mine? That's what it's all about people. Don't settle for anything less. We all deserve the whole package. Chemistry, click, whatever you want to call it. Find it, and find it with someone who is your "first person." You know - the first person you want when anything happens - good, bad or indiferent. If they are the first person on your mind for whatever you need or want to say then you are on the right track! Go get it. (Unless you are one of my married friends, in which case you hopefully already have it. This blog today is for the single people.)

I am one lucky duck. Yes, even the eternal optimist can have a bad day. I guess the difference is that for me it's only a day. I choose to get out of my pit. I am thankful for everything I am lucky enough to have, and I'm not talking material belongings here folks. I am blessed with amazing family, great friends, and new-found chemistry that I did not know existed in real life (outside of books and movies).

I like this blog. Writing things out always helps me see more clearly. Hope you enjoy the crazy ramblings, but even if not, it serves its purpose for me. Now. It's crazy late. I'm an idiot for staying up so late when the kiddos will be up at six am. So off to bed with me!